The Revenge myth

someone hurts us and we're convinced that revenge will make us feel entire again. simply considering it may cause superb feelings. So going thru with our fantasies must make us feel even higher, right?

this is what I name "the revenge myth." no longer simplest do our past stories discover the fact approximately the revenge fantasy, however technological know-how does, as nicely. So why can we continue to trust in it?

the idea that revenge will make us feel better has been with us in view that we have been born. In my 35-plus years as a wedding and own family therapist, i've visible patient after affected person purchase into this myth. when we are youngsters and every other kid breaks one among our toys, our intuition is spoil one in every of their toys in return. The end result?  broken toys—and a damaged friendship.

even as it would be satisfactory to mention we discovered our lesson approximately the pointlessness of revenge whilst we had been infants, it really is typically not the case. Later in existence, whilst we analyze a chum is spreading gossip about us, we would spread a few gossip about them to go back the harm. whilst we find out our associate has cheated on us, we consider that dishonest on them lower back will make us feel much less harm.

For a second you in all likelihood do get a thrill out of breaking your pal's toy, spreading the juicy little bit of gossip, or flirting with someone at the back of your associate's again. however some hours later you experience even emptier than before. not only have you ever now not regained the element you experience you've misplaced (a toy, a mystery, agree with), but now you're quick one toy, or buddy, or little bit of your integrity.