How to avoid toxic relationships and poisonous people

MANY of us have had difficult relationships in our lives. But what is the difference between a relationship being hard, and a relationship being downright unhealthy?
As characters like Gone Girl’s Amy Dunne and Game of Thrones’ Joffrey Baratheon cement their place in pop culture, it’s only natural to reassess and question your own relationships.
Add to that a character or two from Paula Hawkins’ newly released book The Girl on the Train (it’s touted as the new Gone Girl but don’t worry, we won’t spoil the ending for you) and it’s safe to say that we’re becoming obsessed with analysing the behaviours of our nearest and dearest and everyone in between.
All those references aside, any kind of relationship with a ‘poisonous person’ (let’s not jump to psychopath conclusions yet) can be terribly damaging.
But what does a poisonous person actually look like in real life, and how can we avoid getting into a relationship one?
Well, for starters, they’re more common than you’d think, according to Clinical Psychologist Dr Matthew Bambling from The University of Queensland’s School of Medicine.
“Oh it’s extremely common,” Dr Bambling, who among many things specialises in relationships, psychology, psychiatry, behaviour and mental health, said.
“People can grow out of this kind of behaviour, but unfortunately many times people seem remarkably stuck in their way of being, so it can end up being toxic.
“A lot of the behaviours exhibited are stuff everybody already knows, but it’s helpful to talk about it and draw lines around the situation.”
Some of the behaviours Dr Bambling suggests to watch out for across all kinds of relationships are a disrespect of boundaries, being asked to do more than is necessary, and a tendency to manipulate to get the outcome they desire.
“There’s often an element of egocentricism to these kinds of people as well — they look at other people as a way to get what they want,” says Dr Bambling.
“They also tend to have an increased sense of entitlement. When you look at the other person’s behaviour, are you noticing that they are constantly demanding things? Are you emotionally having to provide support for them all the time? Are you feeling like somehow you’re responsible for what they’re feeling, or for the problems they have? These people are very good at making us feel like we’re responsible for what’s going on in their lives,” he said.
If you have a tendency to be drawn into unhealthy relationships, here’s what to look out for among your colleagues, friendships and partners.