TOXIC LOVERS

“This is much more complicated because people become emotionally attached very quickly,” says Dr Bambling. “It has a lot to do with our upbringing and personalities. If we don’t have the best self image we can be quite vulnerable to being manipulated by people.
“The toxic person is probably not evil. This is the way they make themselves feel safe, but it’s at the expense of everyone else, and it’s heightened in a romantic relationship. You will have to compromise who you are — your needs and emotions.
“These relationships are potentially dangerous because they can do what they want, but you’re not allowed to. The aspect of control is big here. There are two rule books — one for you, one for them.
“What’s their behaviour if you assert a need? Do they empathise and respond or do they argue the case? Do they dismiss your perception of reality? Do they excuse their behaviour by saying things like ‘I’m just trying to make our lives better’?
“You’re likely to be used as an emotional prop and it will take everything you have.
“It’s amazing how quickly people go rushing into [these kinds of relationships] without thinking first,” Dr Bambling adds. “It’s so important to get to know the person first, observe them, assess them.
“Can they manage their own feelings, are they able to take care of themselves, do they fall apart or rage when things go wrong, are they easily frustrated, do they have good relationships with friends and family? If those things are absent, you need to extend your observation. Spend time checking them out before going in boots and all.”